Not The Real Slim Shady (updated)

My chosen name is Dyn Gwell.

It's most definitely not the name under which I was born and lived out the majority of my life. Instead, Dyn Gwell is the name I've chosen to announce my presence as I move into what was, to me, not only unknown territory, but territory I didn't know even existed.

Loosely translated, Dyn Gwell is a Welsh phrase (thank you Google Translate) that means, approximately, better man. After a lifetime spent, at best, reacting to the people and events around me, I felt it was time to start making my own way in the world once more. To that end, I decided I had to do the work to become someone different, to become a better man.

I'd never have made this change on my own. In fact, I owe it all to my wife, who I'll call Os, and the question she asked me on Feb. 22, 2015.

After a tumultuous two months during which I became convinced that she was having an affair, (to my defense, all the signs were there and I was almost right) I at last confronted her about what was going on. That's when she asked the question that changed my life.

No, she said, I'm not sleeping with another man, but I'd like to and. . . would you have a problem with that?

In the span of ten seconds or less, Os opened the door to both a new life and a new way of thinking. The only problem, of course, was that to step through that door would shatter my life, shred my personality and kick off one of the most painful years of my life. I could have chosen the safe path, which would have led to me continuing to exist in the most inoffensive way possible. Hell, every single decision I'd made for most of my life would have told you that was the only decision I could make.

It was the safe decision. It was the decision that would have caused less pain in the long run.

This is the story of how and why I walked through that open door, the cost I paid, the cost Os is now paying, and whether the safe choice was the better choice.

I'll give you a spoiler right here at the beginning because I am a nice person. Well, not really a nice person, but I like to play one on the blogs, so it amounts to the same thing really. The spoiler is this: The safe choice is never the better choice.

While I'll be using my own experiences as a guide through the conflicting advice and differing directions surrounding the idea of alternative relationships, I won't be the sole focus of this blog. I'll also be bringing in some of the top relationship experts to chip in on the conversation. Of course, by that, I mean I'll be quoting some of their books or articles.

Who knows? I might get lucky and somehow manage to snag an interview with someone really at the top of the sexual therapy game like Morgan Ray. Nah, I couldn't get that lucky.

For now, the focus on this blog will be about polyamory, (a horrifying mixture of Greek and Latin word roots that offends the literate sensibilities hiding in my rough-hewn body) consensual nonmonogamy, open relationships, morality, ethics and sex. Not necessarily in that order.

My plan is to come out with a new post every week (so much for that horribly executed plan), which should give me plenty of time to procrastinate, put off writing, stare out the window, clean my office space, vacuum the floors, do the dishes, do the laundry, walk the dog and finally sit down to crank something out in the final six minutes before my deadline. Join me for that sublime pleasure at the highest levels of craftsmanship, won't you?

-- Dyn Gwell

I'd like for this to be more than me screaming through a megaphone from the top of a hill. I want this to be a conversation and I'll need your help for that to happen. If you have any questions about polyamory, consensual nonmonogamy, monogamy, open relationships, or even alternative relationships, feel free to send me an email at Dyn.Gwell [at sign] gmail {dot} com. It's just that simple.